WHEN DREAMS DIE...

Not so very long ago, my handsome hubby Archie and I were ecstatically happy with the abundance of joy our Father had heaped upon our plates. We had our new little Follow Me Farm; our treasured broodmare was in foal to an excellent stallion and carried a foal who promised to be a winner; our dream store had become a reality in no time flat, and I had a top-paying job I enjoyed. We loved our life and were convinced God had rewarded us for our years of faithful service to Him. Oh, how very much we had to learn!




Now we are considerably wiser, and much less naive in the ways (and WILL) of the Lord. He doesn't BUY our love with an abundance of material blessings; He seeks those who will love and serve Him for what He has freely given to ALL: His Son, Salvation, the promise of Eternal Life, and the fruit of the Spirit, which is love, joy, peace - blessings beyond price. He seeks our love and trust, not for what He is doing in our social position but for Who He is; and our trust needs to be strong enough to prevail no matter how shaky the world around us becomes. So... our dream world started to shake.




First the store. Archie had dreamed and planned carefully before opening it in a prime location in a fair-sized town. He had deliberately bought in stock (new and lightly-used clothing for the whole family) from an out-of-town source so that shoppers could benefit from quality merchandise that hadn't been donated by their neighbours. He set prices so shoppers could outfit themselves completely for $20 or less, with jeans, a sweater, a jacket and shoes or boots. If they wanted a shirt or blouse, skirt or slacks, they could spend even less and get excellent value for their money. We weren't out to gouge anybody - just to provide something everybody needs (clothes) at a price everybody(?) could afford.




Well, the store has closed its doors for good. For fifteen of the last eighteen months it was open, it did not cover its rent. We were carrying it from our small reserve of capital, and that has just about dwindled away to nothing. Needless to say, we have experienced some very bad days and sleepless nights of worry. (Don't tell me Christians don't worry; we know that. It doesn't stop us from doing it, though.)




Also in the last eighteen months, our older mare died choking in agony two days before Christmas, taking her foal to the grave with her. Our dreams of owning a small racing stable died with her.




Then my job terminated abruptly, at the end of the worst winter for many years. I had risked my life driving on bad roads to get to work all winter - and as soon as the weather cleared up a bit, the fuel oil company I was working for eliminated my position. There went a large chunk of income we had come to rely on. Bills started to mount up, because the store wasn't providing enough sales revenue to even cover its own expenses, let alone contribute anything to running our home.




Where was the Lord in all this? RIGHT THERE BESIDE US! How did we know? Because at the absolute last possible minute, every time something would happen to keep us afloat for another while. Maybe it would be a sale at the grocery store that would stock the freezer without over- taxing our budget. Maybe it would be a reassuring miracle like WITH BRAKE IN HAND... (http://www.ohzone.net/eclips/2003septsong.htm), that proved He had us in the palm of His hand even when He was not exactly in the forefront of our every thought. [blush!]




What was He doing, not answering our desperate, VERY fervent prayers? TEACHING US NOT TO PUT OUR TRUST IN 'STUFF'! TEACHING US not to run ahead to do what seemed good to us, but to await His bidding.




The things of this world pass away. There is no future in trusting anything/anybody you can see, because it/he/she is transitory. It doesn't matter how rich you are today - tomorrow you may find yourself out in the street. It doesn't matter how poor you are today, there is somebody less fortunate who needs YOUR help, NOW. Give it! (See the beautiful story RICH IS NOT WHAT YOU HAVE - http://www.ohzone.net/eclips/riches.htm




What more was He doing? WATCHING TO SEE HOW WE WOULD REACT to the crumbling of our world. We claim to be Christ-ones, which is what Christians really are. So... how would we react when our 'stuff' was taken away from us, inch by inch, and our dreams evaporated? Welllll...




We had some pretty bad moments over the loss of the mare, with Archie blaming me and me resenting the blame - but we got over it, praise the Lord, without breaking up our marriage. Came close a few times, mind you, but we stuck it out, and in a week or so Archie realized himself that the Lord was not going to bless our venture into Standardbred racing. We had learned a valuable lesson, and grown in the knowledge of the Lord.




The job was a harder lesson. Archie was convinced I could get another job, so I applied all over the place. The only interview I got was at a donut shop working nights 21 hours a week for minimum wage, cleaning the toilets and washing the floors and climbing up and down ladders in the back room. We didn't think my aging body could cope with that for too long at a stretch (I turned sixty this past summer), and the income wouldn't be enough to cover our expenses anyway. So... that job was out.




Eventually I gave up looking for employment and applied for an early retirement benefit from the Canada Pension Plan. It's only a few hundred dollars a month, but it's WAY better than nothing. Thank You, Lord, for having that available - once I got off my high horse and admitted that it was enough.




The store was the hardest lesson of all. We have actually had to GIVE the inventory away. (Well, that's not exactly true. The woman we gave it to was willing to pay us something for it - but since she then GIVES everything away to those less fortunate, we decided not to ask her for any money so that she would have more money to use on behalf of those she is helping. Thank You, Lord, that what we couldn't sell, we can at least give to those less fortunate! May it be used to Your glory, and give MUCH joy and comfort to the recipients.)




Last but not least is our home. We are anxiously awaiting a buyer for our home, because without income from a job or the store, we have no way of staying here. We are finding homes for our remaining horse and our few goats, because they are not NEEDS, just expensive pets, and we can't expect our Lord to support our hobbies ad infinitum. He has looked after us well for the past decade, praise Him, but we must be willing to go where He calls us... and leave behind whatever He calls us to leave behind - because you see, dear hearts, CHRIST IS KING!!!, and His will MUST be done.




Hmmmm... No, that is NOT the last. The Lord has more than a teaching of His discipline and His will for us in all of this. What remains to come is His revelation of what HIS will for us entails...




... and He has destroyed OUR dreams, so that He can show us how much MORE wonderful are the things HE has planned for us. He WILL restore the years the locust has eaten, praise Him, and joy WILL come in the morning, because OUR GOD REIGNS. HALLELUJAH!!!!!




By the way, the Lord showed me a brief vision a few months ago: Jesus, and a very few individuals lined up single-file behind Him, accepting something from another Being. The message I got was that God is looking for people who will take over for Jesus and do HIS will on earth today. Not just people who will pay lip-service by saying that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, but people who will actually dedicate their lives to doing as Jesus did - which was IN everything, at ALL times, to do the will of His Father... no matter the personal cost.




Archie and I wish to be in that line-up.




How about you?