I HAVE LOVED YOU
A testimony through the eyes of One who really sees

My Love, I have loved you, I have loved you through it all. Though you could not see me, I was there. Every time you were crying I longed to pull you to Myself and hold you close, but you could never see and always turned away. I love you, so I never did. My Love, every time you were hurt, every time you longed to pour your heart out to anyone who would listen, I was standing there with My arms open, feeling your pain, and longing to bear your hurts but you would never turn to Me.

I watched as you pursued happiness in all the wrong places, and wept as you found that you could not fit in, not because I ever wanted you to fit in My Love, but because I was crying for your pain. Every time you called out, "Someone hear me!" I was longing to draw you near and whisper in your ear, "Be still My Love, I hear you." But I could not force you to love Me.

As I watched you grow older, My tears increased as your depression did. You wrote down your thoughts with tortured inner agony; you declared your undying love a million times over on those sheets of notebook paper, but what I saw was your heart. Once you wrote, as your soul cried out, "Someone love me I care, Someone kiss me I feel, Someone come to me, come to me and be my Someone!" And I cried, as once again you did not see Me.

My Love, I have known you. I understand you as no one ever could. I have seen all the pain and sorrow that you have experienced. Every time the anguish came, every time I saw you betrayed once more by the one you thought you could trust, I felt those stabs with you. I was crying out, "My Love, come to Me and I will give you peace, come to Me and I will love you. I will never betray you, I will never leave you!" And once again you sought the compassion and love of another, who could never supply all your needs. You placed your faith in them. I was just a religion, a Sunday school class or a boring church service -- how could I ever help you? Oh My Love, I was longing to give you so much more, but you would not receive it.

The rage built inside Me as I saw My Beloved deceived over and over by The Father of Lies. He just snickered as you fell and flaunted his victory, but he did not know My plan. I had placed My mark on you, My Love, and even if you despised it over and over, I was not letting you go. Finally, I had to bring you to the breaking point. You were so depressed, you were so deceived, and you felt so utterly alone that you asked Me to take your life away. You came to the point where you no longer wanted to endure this life and you asked Me to "take your life away and give it to someone who would use it."

My Love, when you thought you were begging for death, I heard a cry of life.

The Deceiver convinced you that I had not heard your cry, or did not exist because you still continued to breathe, but he had not heard the birth cry and he did not see your spirit. At the moment you had said those words, though they were spoken in anguish and frustration, I had set My plan in motion. You had asked that I give your life to someone who could use it, and I truly planned on answering that prayer. Though you did not see it--you were too blinded by your pain--you had just requested what I had wanted all along. As Satan stood there whispering into your ear, I walked up and took the reins of your life out of his hands.

Your next words hurt Me. Satan had planted a seed, and you decided that I did not love you, or did not exist because I had not struck you dead. Satan snickered, and reached for the reins but I would not let you go, I had other plans. I took you away to call you back, My Love, and because you hurt so bad, and fought Me so hard, I had to break you. But the whole time you wept, I was weeping with you.

Finally, the picture was made clear. I showed you the meaning of My love through the meaning of My death. My Spirit whispered to yours and I handed your life over to My Son, Jesus, the one who would use it.

Slowly My Love, you have come to Me. You have learned to bring your burdens to Me. And now, My Love, you have finally grasped what I have longed to show you from the beginning. I love you as none other. I have known you as none other. Every pain, every rejection, every heartbreak was Me calling out to you, to let Me fill that gap for you. I used your own desires to be loved to show you My love for you. I took your desire to give your own unconditional love to another, to speak to your spirit and show you My love.

My Love, I have loved you, and I have longed for you to love Me. I have desired for you to give your dreams, your visions, your hurt, your pain to Me. As you have always sought to share them with someone, I have always sought to be that Someone with whom you would share. You have finally grasped the message I have been trying to convey,

"I love you completely. I know you completely. I have always been here, I will always be here. I am holding your life in My hands, and I will never let you go! I have always loved you, and I will always love you until the end of eternity. You will never be out of My arms, and even if everyone in this life deserts you or betrays you, I have been there, I have felt that pain, and I will always hold you close and wipe away your tears."